Just going to float along for a while...

"Is this really it for me?"

    That is a question I have been asking myself a lot as of here lately. I can't really figure out a system for regularity in my life. I know not ever day should be predictable or the same... but I would really like to feel a sense of completeness at the end of the day. Like my purpose is being fulfilled and I am living up to my potential. Things have been all sorts of crazy the last few weeks. It has been nothing but non-stop stress. With issues at my work, home life, debt and my love interests... I have been doing a lot of self evaluation. 

    I miss the feeling of happiness I had last summer. It was during the time I first came up with the idea of Beloved Bygones. On a whim, I decided that with my passion of all sorts of art that thrifting and repurposing would be a part time hobby of mine. I wanted to have a thriving Etsy shop that was full of old vintage things I had found, maybe even a few handmade treasures of my own!

    But as time went by it seemed like more and more negative things kept getting piled on me. I quit my office job where I was making $10 an hour. Shortly after I started working at my current job, at the party store, where I was an assistant studio designer. I was so excited to be working at a job where I could use my graphic design skills in a printshop manor. I ended up stepping up for a promotion shortly after being hired... little did I know it would reduce my studio time to nearly nothing. I rarely get to design customer orders anymore. And when I do, it's normally rushed because I am generally in the middle of some other project. It has definitely put a damper on my enthusiasm for going to work. I am at a point that I dread going to work when I am scheduled. It takes a lot of energy to force myself there each day. Not to mention all the other stress of working in a retail store. Grouchy customers, false assumptions and rotten co-workers! 

    I really want to be creative again. I need that outlet to relieve some stress! First step I need to take in bettering my life is getting a full time job. Even if it is a boring factory job where I just put items on a conveyor belt during my whole shift. I really need to get my debt under control and start saving for a future. Because right now I have absolutely no reserve funding and still live at home. I would like a place to call my own. Somewhere I can escape if needed, somewhere I will feel free. From there I can start focusing on my art again. I really want to get back to the roots of this "business".  Reviving lovely hand-me-down items, so they can be loved again like they were when they were new.

Everything has a purpose, you just have to find it.  


And some inspirational songage for your day: Modest Mouse - Float On